God is so good to us. It does not matter what our sins are, what our past is, where we’ve been, what we’ve done wrong, whether we believe we’ve made mistakes or not. God has a plan for us. For those who seek him with their whole heart. For those who humbly stand before his throne.
We all have secrets, things we regret. Things we wish we did differently. For the longest time I thought that my future and my children’s future was tainted because of decisions that I made in my past. Because I left the path God had led me on to seek a path of my own. I believed that that was it for me. For the longest time I was convinced that my children and I were not as valuable because they were conceived out of wedlock. Because one of my greatest sin was fornification.
Although I went to confession and God forgave me I was convinced that I had ruined my life and my kid’s lives and others because of my selfish motives. I carried this burden of rejection, pain, guilt and anger inside of me. I constantly told God that I was sorry and sorry for the choices that I had made. It was very recently that I crawled up next to my son in bed and cried and prayed to God like always and told him I was sorry. That I felt like I had stolen my son because of how the events of the past 4 yrs had unfolded (a story for another time). So convinced that we had no place in life I was anguished and burdened and felt in utter despair. I wondered where was our worth if noone wanted us. If my idealistic picture of having my family unified had been destroyed. How did it look for me to be a single mother of two that has been abandoned and rejected. And as I cried out to the Lord and pondered these thoughts God spoke to me loud and clearly and told me “Noone I create is a mistake. I don’t create mistakes.” My children were a part of God’s plan. Though they had not been conceived through holy wedlock they were a part of God’s creation a part of God’s great plan.
It didn’t matter to God that they were conceived out of Holy matrimony because God forgave that a looooooooong time ago. God knew that before the beginning of time He had then a part of his perfect plan since the beginning of time. God wasn’t going to mold my future inspite of my past but rather “because” of my past. Because the lies that enemy told me and fed me would be used to build up my testimony to bring glory to God.
God then told me the following night while in prayer that I was not abandoned that my kids were not abandoned that we had a place of belonging and it didn’t matter if my son didn’t have his Earthly father under same roof or if I didn’t have a husband by my side because God was and is my children’s father. He is their heavenly father who is capable of providing far more than an Earthly father ever could. Because He is my husband who provides my every need. He is the provider for my household. I am not alone. I not parenting alone because He is doing it with me.
Words can’t express the peace and validation that God spoke to me. He had enough of the enemy telling me continual lies. He had to set me straight. God is good always. It’s all about believing He is.