On Reflecting On Your Past

The past. We live momentarily, from one moment to another. Each moment with the possibility of changing the trajectory of our lives. Each moment capable of its own bliss of its own sorrows and every moment we live holds the potential to create a deep seeded memory, a bond, a treasure, a trauma. The past is the present just a second ago that blows in the wind like a petal, a leaf, a fragment of matter. It is gone yet it is everlasting as its imprint can leave a profound lasting impression on our hearts and in our souls. 

When we are born again, when we surrender our lives to Christ the past is a place of reference, no longer a place of residence . We are made new. We are transformed. We are a new creature in Christ. The old has passed away. Our guilt, hurts, hangups, bitterness, anger, resentments are now in the hands of Christ. We are being cleansed. No matter how slow the process may feel we are in a state of progression. We are told not to look back less we become a pillar of salt. We move forward in faith. The past in this regard is a state of reference. It is a moment once lived. A trial which was overcame or a lesson that was learn. That is that past. It exsist only to remind of the experience, the lesson learned and to push us in our growth and development as individual beings. Does the past hurt or can it hurt. Absolutely. It can hurt if there are unresolved feelings, invalidated experiences. If the past hurts and though the fear may leave us stagnant it would be wise to “revisit” it in the sense of continously offering it up to God so that he can assist us in working through it, untying the knots and freeing us from whatever bondages or straint that we may have in those regards. It’s important though to remind ourselves that the moment is gone and that whatever is truly affecting us is the remnants of that moment once lived. We are no longer in the actual moment and though the memories and pain feel extremely vivid and gut wrenching we must remind ourselves of that because our mind and subconscious is not able to differentiate  between a moment once lived and a memory relived. We no longer reside in that moment and so if we find our past haunting us it serves us best to offer it to God, reflect on it, talk to God about it, how it makes you feel, how you are suffering, all the thoughts surrounding it and pray for internal healing and unsevering of any chains. Once you’ve given it to God it is then best to take action and dive into something productive ad purposeful. This is not so we mask our feelings, thoughts and emotions but so we don’t continue to dwell on it. If we simply tell ourselves not to think about it we will then bury it deeply in our subconscious and ingrain it further into our being. Action will distract us in the sense that we are retraining our mind and body that the hurt will not take over us. It doesn’t matter how often this happens. If you need to do it weekly or daily or hourly then you do it. You offer it up to God as often as it consumes you. God will not tire of hearing your prayers. And though instant healing may not occur know that God is for you, with you, and will not abandon you. We don’t understand how God works but if his word is a testament of anything then it is a testament of his everlasting and unconditional love for us. He wants to help us, save us and redeem us.

Sometimes the past is a place of reflection rather than a place of reference. Sometimes we have memories so beautiful, moments so heart warming that they become a treasure for us. Often times we have precious memories tucked in deeply under all the pain and suffering that we rarely if ever have the opportunity to reflect on it. In more recent times as I continue to work through my own emotions and trauma in my path to healing and self discovery I have found myself reflecting on memories that I hadn’t recalled in ages. These memories have been self soothing simple moments from my childhood. Or memories from special moments with loved ones who are no longer in my life or deceased. Memories of simple moments, laughter, love and joy, trinkets or sentimental items that bring me back to my childhood. I recall simple moments such as riding bicycles as a family throughout our beloved neighborhood in Boston or a favorite outfit or accessory that reminds me of life when I lived as a child. Sometimes I feel the inner peace and tap into my inner child and remember who I once was which has been proven to be therapeutic in the process of healing. I remember who I once was before I began feeling that I didn’t add up to others, that I was unworthy or that I was or am replaceable. Face it we all have our own insecurities and inadequacies. When I reflect on those memories from my past I become more centered. I am reminded of how amazing I am in the unique sense of my individualism, my gifts, my talents, my love. I come back as one, which aids in healing the adult trauma I have experienced because I am reminded that we are called to be child like to enter the kingdom of heaven. Child like in the sense that we must be cleansed of our inquitities. Renewed with the spirit and forgive as children do. Children in their prime are innocent, unpolluted by the ways of this world. Though we see fragments of their egos when they become toddlers as in wanting what they want this sense is lack of spiritual maturity. We are called to mature in the spirit and grow and be led in the spirit but to maintain a child likeness in love, purity and innocence. Taking the time to reflect on the better moments in our childhood or in our child likeness  (if your childhood was not a pleasant one) allows us to tap into that purity and innocence. It gives us an opportunity to shower that inner child with love and with kindness when perhaps we didn’t receive it from anyone else in our past. It serves the purpose of humbling ourselves from our current day ego and flesh and seeing/ recalling from our spiritual eyes.

We are a work in progress, a collective piece of art. We hold within us the experiences we have lived, both good and bad, the lessons we have learned, the books we have read , the conversations we have had, the letters we have written. We are the reality we have lived, the truth we hold in our heart and the lies we have spoken through our lips. We are one and we are all in Christ. Our past whether good or bad will always be a part of us. It doesn’t need to shackle us or identify us but it is a part of our truth, our subconscious and if we ask, a part of God’s plan so that it would have not occurred in vain but for a greater purpose. God’s purpose.The past is thousands of years ago, the past is the present one second ago. The past is a memory, a treasure, a reference, a reflection. The past is you or it’s not. 

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