How beautiful of a gift I must say it is to have the gift of discernment,to have the care to look back on life through it all and be in such a state where we may say “God I am ready to walk this through.””Lord I am ready to change”. The beauty of this gift in recognizing where we fall short and where we need supernatural help to overcome and excel.
Decisions. We make them everyday of our lives. Sometimes they seem rather insignificant. “What will I wear today? What will I cook? Should I buy a coffee? Should it be black or with cream and sugar? Wait,maybe I’ll just buy a latte.” These decisions seem so minuscule in the grand scheme of things. They appear so trivial but these decisions, well, they create our lives. It’s amazing and beautiful that I can sit here in my mid thirties and look back on my life thus far and say “yes, I messed up.””Yes I made more than a handful of poor decisions and I have also made more than a handful of amazing ones”. I am quite grateful that in my fairly young age I am able to recognize my regrets and shortcomings and give thought to how I want to work those things out by giving them to God and rewriting a new story for myself. I am grateful that I’m not 60 or 70 or 80 and just now giving thought to this. I am glad that my prayers for wisdom and discernment are slowly being answered.
You see, the thing with me and the thing with most of us is that we make decisions in our lives at the height of emotions or without much regard. I no longer live in my past. I am no longer the Channel I was in my twenties, early thirties or even last week. I have come a long way and not to say that I don’t have so much farther to go. I now, at my age, recognize the worth and value of every decision I make. I paved a path for myself both positively and negatively in my twenties and early thirties. I wasted time and money on things that brought me no sustainable value. I entertained “friendships” and “relationships” that were never real friendships nor real relationships. I accepted abuse and disrespect and therefore told my inner conscious that I was only worth of that abuse and of that disrespect. I masked pain with love and I essentially just allowed myself to be washed away as a victim of my circumstances. These are all regrets and yet these are all life lessons. No decision is insignificant as each decision builds upon the next which builds upon the next, which begins to create habit, intention and a foundation for life.
We don’t realize it. Too often we don’t realize just how much of our lives are created based on decisions that we don’t realize we are making because we are either too young, too dumb or too naive to see it for ourselves. It’s not until later down the road, perhaps too late that we see the implications of those decisions. Time tells its story. Those decisions will either eat us at our core or soothe us in our soul.
This thought cradled itself into my mind. I thought it as I was lighting a candle on my bar top in my dining room. I thought it again as I was adjusting the car visor against the morning glare during my commute to work and most recently I thought it as my poetry class broke down Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken”.
Many times we just don’t know which path to take. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are actually choosing our path. Had I not gone out to dinner twice perhaps I wouldn’t have to double on my workouts. Perhaps if I had chosen to study abroad after obtaining my BA rather than staying for a doomed relationship I would have had a completely different life but out of that decision came my greatest blessing which is my son. Perhaps if I didn’t entertain men that clearly just wanted to have a “good time” then maybe I would be married with an honest and faithful husband. You see, little decisions created this story thus far. Created your story and created mines but it doesn’t mean that the story will remain. We can change the course of our lives anytime so long as we have God on our side. Should we have regret? I think it’s inevitable to not regret certain doings, actions or words in our lives but once we heal from those pains, from those regrets the most important thing to ask ourselves is “what did you learn from it”? Then we can recognize how we apply that lesson learned in the future.
There is always room for growth, always room for improvement. The trouble is time may not always be on our side. Discernment is key. Discernment is the key to wisdom. It is a supernatural spiritual gift. Pray for discernment. Not so much so you may know right from wrong but especially so you may know right from almost right and be able to decide the decisions which pave your path, which pave your life.