My heart is so at peace. I feel such a profound sense of being. I have found knowledge. I have found true wisdom. Wisdom that is completely contrary to what the world is teaching. Contrary to what the world is selling. For I have wisdom in the One who is above wisdom. I have found wisdom in the one who created wisdom. I have found wisdom in the one who gives wisdom. I have found wisdom in God.
My blog posts are always meant to teach and inspire and this one doesn’t sway. 2018 is turning out to be a remarkable year. Remarkable in ways I didn’t think I would have considered remarkable. My goal is to share this with you. This remarkable wisdom that goes completely contrary to what I see on social media, out in public or in particular social settings. That true wisdom, true love, true beauty come from God. Simple.
It was a Tuesday night. I was dressed in a beautiful soft gray ribbed aline boutique maxi dress. My patent leather BCBG shoes tapped gently against the floor. I was seated in a classroom at the basement level of the school my church owns. The room to be honest was a little cold but the Holy Spirit was about to ignite some heat in my heart. I had my lesson book to the left of my desktop and my baby blue notebook and pen to my right.
How did I manage to enroll into a class to consecrate myself when my original spirit had been so against it? I mean I had honestly rebelled against the class and attending. Perhaps it was seeing that my new circle of friends had all enrolled and I didn’t want to be left out from spiritual growth. Perhaps it was because I knew this was the end of my road, there was no where else for me to go. Perhaps to prove that I was just as capable and eager to be seen as an instrument of God. More so I think it was because my spiritual mother was calling me to trust and to start my new life. I had suffered for so long. I had carried a burden for so long and She knew this would be the path on this journey of mine’s. I had suffered for so long. I had cried for too long. I had prayed for so long and despaired for so long. And isn’t life supposed to be grand? If I serve God shouldn’t my life be better than those who don’t? If I go to church every Sunday and confess my sins and invite Mary and Jesus into my suffering shouldn’t I be living this picturesque life? Here I am paying one bill, and skipping another just to get by and yet there is an unbeliever on an exotic vacation and sipping on Mai Thais.
“Sorry, I don’t think I will be attending the weekend retreat, financially I can’t afford it”. “Sorry I can’t attend the classes on Tuesday, I don’t have adequate childcare.” “Ugh! My glasses broke and now I will have to use the last of my emergency fund to buy new ones”.
There is blessing in the suffering. True blessing and as I sat in that class not knowing or maybe just unable to acknowledge the plans that the Lord has for my life. That retreat… paid for by my prayerful friends. That childcare dilema, solved by the intervention of God. Those glasses… now getting repaired and not replaced for no more than what I make two hours at work. God doesn’t want my uncertainty. He wants to show me that He is all powerful and strength in my weakness. When I suffer He uses that suffering for the greater good. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. Sometimes I don’t even know how I made it through that storm or that season of my life alive then I remember it is through the grace of God. Because only through the grace of God do we have what we have. Only though the grace of God do we have another chance. Only by his love and mercy are we saved because we have been cleansed and sanctified by the blood of Christ. Those interventions of God providing for me was just validation that He has been for me. But what about the times when I suffered and there was no intervention? What about the times I cried and I said so many “unheard” prayers? Where is my redemption for those sufferings?
Sometimes we will suffer here to purify our hearts, our minds, our bodies, our souls so we won’t have to suffer as much in eternal life. So we may be cleansed first here before our goal of paradise. This world is full of so many lies. There is so much deceit. Society tells us sex sells. They tell us to wear a condom to prevent from STDs and unplanned pregnancy. They don’t tell us that condoms won’t protect our hearts or our souls after the after math of giving our bodies when it wasn’t their’s to receive. They don’t tell you the pain of saying no to life that may haunt you for years and years and years to come or how thinking selfishly will result in broken homes, broken hearts and broken families. They don’t tell you that living the “good life” comes with a price which may result in spiritual death. Instead they will tell you work hard, get a career, buy a big house, a big car, shop to feed your soul.
I didn’t realize the blessing in the suffering. The suffering that would lead me on the path to share my story of triumph and victory. It’s not the perfect ending, well because it’s not over yet. The story will continue until my last breath. The suffering will continue as well. As will the blessings because one way or another there has to be blessing in the sufferings but only when we invite Christ into the suffering with us. And so that Tuesday night I didn’t need to take my pen and jot it as a note in my beautiful notepad. God jotted it in my heart. There is blessing in the suffering.