I have always been a firm believer in second chances. Sometimes even a believer in third and fourth chances. After all, we all are human. We all make mistakes. None of us are perfect. Perhaps they didn’t realize the error. Perhaps after the lesson learned they will realize their mistake and reassess and things can come out better and stronger than before.
I no longer believe in such. Do I give people the benefit of the doubt and allow them a second chance in my life? Sure I have. And what time and time and time again has proven to me is if they did it once they will more than likely do it again. It’s a matter of timing, circumstance and opportunity.
This goes in any genere of relationship whether romantic, platonic, relational or familiar. Once a person has shown you who they are trust and believe that you have seen who they are, the lack of regard for you and their nature in destruction and lack of remorse. Over the years I have had my fair share of experiences with individuals as such and can attest to the fact that individuals as such always regress to their former way of being and former way of life. It’s simply a matter of time.
A given example. If a man cheats and knows he can get away with it do not doubt his ability and habitual nature to continue to cheat or the least seek out behaviors and experiences that cross the line of fidelity. If a family member or friend breaks loyalty and then sides with you, be vigilant. It is a matter of time before that newfounded “loyalty” or “trust” is destroyed. It is a matter of time before old habits take over and the situation regresses to what it really is.
Once loyalty and trust are broken rarely if ever is it possible to get it back. Though one may believe they are now working on coming out stronger and better than before the truth is that you have already gave witness to the lack of trust, the lack of loyalty and accepted such.
Time will always tell its story. People will always show who they truly are. It is up to us to see them for who they truly are and not who we wish them to be.
I had to cut the cord. Even on those from my own family. I am big on trust and loyalty and once that trust has been broken and the loyalty damaged; I draw the line. Those whom I can’t trust have no place in my circle of life. Those who have lacked loyalty will no longer receive the blessing of my friendship or relationship. It’s not that I think that I’m better than anyone or that I think I’m perfect and that others don’t deserve a second chance. It is simply that my time is far too valuable to waste on individuals who should know better than to risk the trust and loyalty. It is simply because after all I have lived and experienced that I have learned. Learned that peace and clarity trumps chaos and confusion, lies and deceit and learned that not all that shimmers is gold. That perhaps there is a gift in people breaking that trust so that boundaries can be put up and you can decide who has a place and does not have a place in your life. So that you can co-create your journey with God’s guidance.
And so do I think people only deserve one chance and no forgiveness? No. I think forgiveness is always key as we are biblically taught but I also believe that as mature rational and responsible adults we get to decide who deserves forgiveness and who deserves forgiveness with a second chance and think long and hard and pray over the latter because chances are if the trust and loyalty were broken and exposed in the first place it may be a matter of time before those colors return to show.